Epic fail.

So.  I was supposed to get weight loss surgery but after meeting with the surgeon, Im told I cannot.  I had a severe blood clot during a pregnancy so the surgery is too high risk.p
Looks like I need to do this the old  fashioned way.  Ya.  The way that has failed me for years.  If I could purchase will power, I would.  I have none. 
I am at my highest weight at the lowest point in my life.  I should be looking forward to a wedding. Instead, I look for reasons to postpone it.  I am terrified of the way I will look in my pictures.  I dont like that he wont be able to carry me thru the doorway.  I dont like that my children are gaining weight as well. 
This surgery was going to be a great tool for me to get started but its gone.  I am desperate for some energy and results.  Feeling like shit tonight.