He proposed!

This weekend, my family and I went to the beach.  I hate going to the beach.  Its full of people wearing swimsuits that actually look good on them!  And somehow, they all effortlessly look amazing after sitting in the hot sun, battling the wind and going in the water.

I am not one of those people!  My swimsuit contains me like a natural casing on a sausage!  I feel like Im ready to bust thru the seams of it each time I wear it because I refuse to shop for another one.  If your overweight, you probably understand how mortifying it is to go into a store and attempt to find something that looks decent, especially swimwear.

So anyways, I looked terrible.  My hair was a mess and I had no makeup on.  This particular beach is our favorite spot to visit in the summer so I just tried to enjoy myself.  I had my boyfriend, two of my children and one of their friends with me.  As we prepared to leave, I asked my guy if he wanted to jump in the water.  He then asked me if I was ready to jump in and got down on one knee.  I couldn't help but get nervous and ask him if he was serious.  Of course I said yes! 

This man has loved me at my highest weight.  He watched me put the pounds on.  And at that moment, I felt like I was the most beautiful and adored women alive.  He wrapped his arms around me and I just smiled.  He did the most beautiful thing when I was the most vulnerable. 

Two days later, I am staring at my ring as I type this and thinking about what I have said for months now.  If he proposed to me, I needed to be serious about dieting and exercise, regardless if I decided surgical intervention was what I needed.  Sitting beside me is a large iced coffee and two plain donuts.  I seriously have no willpower.  I do not want to get married and look like a giant hot air balloon in a light colored gown!  I need to find some motivation and strength.

A wedding, my cholesterol and the fact that Im pre-diabetic because of my obesity should be enough to get me moving but Im having such a hard time.  Hopefully in the days ahead, I can put a fire under my ass and make some changes.  I want to love the way I look and right now I hate it.  But I have a gorgeous ring ;)